These are stories written by Tammy over the course of the last year.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
IT’S WHAT’S REAL
Current mood: 
blissful
SO WHAT DO YA DO? YOU FEEL ALIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN CURRENT MEMORY. YOU FEEL AS IF MAYBE THE WORLD WON'T END AFTER ALL.
YOU START TO REALIZE THAT ALONE DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN 'LONELY'. YOUR SWEET FRIEND GENTLY REMINDS YOU THAT YOU NEED TIME ALONE....THAT THE HEALING PROCESS REQUIRES THAT ALONE TIME. ALONE CAN BE A VERY PEACEFUL PLACE.
EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR BEING IS BEING STIMULATED ON A REGULAR BASIS....MORE REGULAR THAN YOU REMEMBER.....EVER.
YOUR HEART IS FULL OF LAUGHTER AND FUN ......EVEN JOY. YOUR BODY IS SATISFIED, CONTENT, NOT LEFT WANTING. ALL THIS WITHOUT THE SILLY SCHOOL-GIRL FEELINGS OF DESPERATION AND UNCERTAINTY.
YOU LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT EACH NEW DAY MIGHT BRING, BE IT LAUGHTER, LOVE, OR ANOTHER CHALLENGE.
YOU HAVE FINALLY REACHED A PLACE IN LIFE WHERE YOU ARE ALL YOU NEED, AND ALL THE OTHER IS A BIG FAT BONUS! ICING ON THE CAKE.........LIKE A BIG, HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE THREE LAYER CAKE DECORATED WITH M&M'S!!!!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Life Struggle
Current mood: 
adventurous
I've decided to have a good time.
When I look around, I see those who enjoy life, who really just have a good time, and those who seem to be in a continuous struggle to live.
In one way, its not a 'life and death' struggle, but in so many ways it is. I don't believe we were put here to just struggle. I think we were all put here for a purpose, of which may or may not become evident to us in this life. This is something we must search God and ourselves for.
I believe struggle to be a huge part of life, and that it starts in the womb. I think all the kicking my babies did while they were still in my belly was just the beginning of their struggle...then they struggled to get out of there.
I saw them struggle to nurse, to roll over, to sit up, and to walk.
I have struggled as a parent, to raise them right, watch them be hurt, let them go.
My personal struggles, with my weight, with deaths of parents and friends. Wayward family members. My brother's illness. With having to make the hard decision to end a marriage that I allowed to go on way too long. The marriage a struggle unto itself.
I have had emotional struggles with moving on, and struggles about not doing so.
Struggles concerning my deep heartbreak, and the struggle to accept that I did not inflict on him the pain that he feels, he did it himself, and tried with all his might to take me down with him in the process. I can let go and still care. There is a history there that cannot, will not be erased, good times that are kept to the surface, to be shared, and revisited like a nice 'coffee-table-book', and the bad, that are best filed away in a memory chest somewhere, only to be taken out and revisited when they start to fade, as a remembrance of a place NOT to revisit. I think it almost more important at this stage, to keep the bad memories at the forefront, so as not to forget, or repeat.
I don't struggle with letting go, because I had to let go a long time ago to keep my sanity, my life.
So I've decided to have a good time, to have a life, to be myself, someone whom I had long ago forgotten. I know the struggle of life will continue, but keeping it in perspective is more than half the battle. We weren't promised a bed of roses, Adam and Eve F*ked that one up for us in the Garden 7000 years ago!
